Will things ever really change?

I’m over halfway into my year-long experiment, and I still ask myself this question. But here are some of the big milestones I’ve reached so far:

I spent 2.5 months living as a digital nomad (like I so desperately wanted at the beginning),
I’ve moved COUNTRIES from the US to Germany,
and I’ve even “launched” my podcast, Get Over Yourself, (but still haven’t shared it with nearly anyone).

And yet, over halfway in, I still feel so far from my goals. I still face doubt and struggle to believe in my impossible goals, or even lesser goals. Is it really possible for me? I continue to wonder, even though so much has clearly already changed.

The truth, though, is that I’ve been avoiding the hard, scary action I know I need to take, like…

sharing my podcast on my Instagram,
starting my sustainable fashion blog and social media channels (letting perfectionism and overthinking get in my way),
regularly checking in with my finances and laying a strong financial foundation to build upon.

Basically, all the things that require: getting real and facing the hard truth, putting myself out there, and taking the not-so-sexy small steps. I struggle to let those initial little steps be “enough” instead of everything having to be a perfect, big production. That’s what I’m still not doing.

And honestly, I’ve been struggling lately. I’ve been in an emotional rut where I’m overthinking, overly hard on myself, and where each step I take feels like a huge internal battle (let me know if you can relate). I know there’s some sort of a block getting in my way, and I’ve been slowly digging deeper and deeper to get to the heart of it and shift to a new, expansive belief.

But I also believe that things can change in a short amount of time. That if you start over again and again — as many times as necessary — things will eventually change.

So here’s what I’m doing to get back on track.

Getting Organized:

For a while now, I’ve felt super disorganized around my goals. Even though I’ve been making progress, it hasn’t felt like it because I don’t have one central place where I: keep track of my goals, see how these steps relate to the bigger picture of what I’m working toward, or list all the action steps or habits I want to or am taking toward my goals.

I’ve also been spiraling and stuck in indecision around which action steps to take and where to start, especially when it comes to my (not yet existent) fashion brand. I would keep myself from taking any action by casting my vision for the brand so far into the future that nothing felt like enough, or so that it scared me so much that it kept me from doing anything.

However, I knew that all the steps I needed to take had already been given to me in the form of downloads or ideas I was excited about when they came in. These most often come to me during journaling or breathwork sessions, or perhaps during a bath or long walk, when I know the ideas are coming from a place of alignment and high self-worth.

So, I decided to review my journal entries from the last few months to see which ideas had come through, both in terms of the larger vision (to answer the question, “What does living in alignment and authenticity really mean to me?”) and in terms of specific action steps.

This helped me to reconnect to my vision, and gave me a master list of the exact action steps to focus on now.

Next, I made a small investment in an organization system: this 12 Week Year Notion template by Anna Lenkovska. She has a great YouTube video about how it’s set up if you want to check it out. I think it’s incredibly thoughtfully designed and beautifully made.

If you watched my first YouTube video about the experiment (or listened to the podcast version which is now available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts woot woot!), you’ll hear me mention the book *The 12 Week Year* by Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington. I’ve been meaning to really give this method a try for a while and just happened to stumble across Anna’s video talking about exactly that, so that seemed like a sign to me!

I’ve now input my vision and goals, plus all the habits and action steps I can think of. I’ll share my goals and how I decided where to put my focus in this 12 Week Year in another blog post.

And honestly, this is already making me feel more motivated! It’s making the scary action steps I’ve been avoiding feel more like a fun game of stuff I get to check off, with the added bonus that each step I check off gets me closer to my 12 week goals! It’s also automating the habits I’ve been pretty wishy washy about, like weekly money dates and goal check-ins, self-development practices like breathwork and To Be Magnetic workshops, and even hobbies like singing.

Clearing Space:

Yesterday I was also reminded of a lesson I mentioned in my latest podcast episode about taking the leap in Month 2 of my experiment. It’s funny how we so often need to relearn the same lesson over and over, and that’s the case with this one: Everything is connected.

Sometimes when you think you’re blocked, procrastinating, or struggling with one thing, it’s actually because of something else.

For example, in the episode I mention how, when it came to filming my second YouTube video, I was really struggling with overthinking and getting in my own way. Translation work had also greatly slowed down and made me nervous about traveling. But once I took the leap I’d been avoiding — i.e., booking a flight to Europe to begin living as a digital nomad again — the very next day I was able to record the second video with ease and ALSO got a huge and unexpected translation job.

Last night, something similar happened. I was feeling a little moody and overwhelmed while putting together the action steps for my 12 Week Year. Then, I unexpectedly had a difficult but much-needed conversation with my Mom. All of a sudden, I let out all the thoughts and emotions I’d been bottling up for months. It was tough to do, but went really well and I felt a huge weight lifted off of me that I was no longer hiding with her anymore. That I could express myself and move forward without so much hesitation and fear.

Another great side effect I’ve noticed is now that I have her support, I feel even more capable and my belief in myself has grown again.

Then all of a sudden after our call, it was easy to put together the 12 Week Year goals. And this morning, I got more clarity on the sustainable fashion brand and exactly where to start. The idea for this blog post also came through and I’ve been able to write it immediately and with little resistance.

This just goes to show that sometimes what you really need is to clear space in order to allow in the breakthroughs or manifestations that you’re hoping for.

Starting with the steps I’ve been given:

Lastly, now that I can see how the small steps and downloads I mentioned above connect to the bigger 12 week goals, they do feel like enough. And I know that those “small steps” are actually doing much more than it seems.

These are the steps that matter: they’re the ones where you show up before anyone really sees, where you build consistency and habits upon which to grow even more, and where you build confidence and belief in ever-bigger steps and dreams.

And one cool thing I can take away from today? This blog post alone is showing me that I can change!

I’ve been blocked for months around taking these small, imperfect steps. Around putting myself out there in any form, any platform. Around acting on the idea as soon as it comes to me rather than just writing it down and telling myself I’ll get to it later.

Now, my focus is shifting to shipping — shipping lots and imperfectly. This is a concept that Seth Godin discusses, as well as Dr. Benjamin Hardy in his book Be Your Future Self Now (Part 3, Step #7), which is one of my favorite self-development books of all time.

Ship often. Ship lousy stuff, but ship. Ship constantly. Skip meetings. Often. Skip them with impunity. Ship.
– SETH GODIN

Shipping basically means finishing projects and putting them out there. It’s what enables you to get to your best work. And it’s why Dr. Hardy recommends aggressively completing imperfect work.

So here’s to shipping. Here’s to imperfect. Here’s to making the hard changes, taking the little steps, and to becoming our future selves.

Love,
Milly